atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
