i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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