That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
