whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
