he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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