Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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