Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
