i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize