So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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