If i come over, it means nothing
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
