i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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