The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
