We won't sleep together?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
