Rock
Scissors
Fuck
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
