I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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