she woke up with a sticky ear
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
