just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
