plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
