Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
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