Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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