I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize