did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
