the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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