ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize