He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
