I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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