wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
There was a lot of him and a little penis
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
