you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
