Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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