I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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