This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize