We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Life without a bra equals bliss.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
