it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
