i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
