why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
