dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
i think im in europe. pls send help
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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