Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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