dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
