i think i have herpe
just one?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
