I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
