And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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