I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
