I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
