Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
