We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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