Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Randomize
