I look better un-naked...
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
