you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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