I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
