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You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
