Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
