you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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