Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize