I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
