Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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