Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
