I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
