So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Randomize
