In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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