Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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