I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
