according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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