I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
