A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
