Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
