I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
