come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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