If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
