just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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