Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
