just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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