so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
