he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
